I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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