I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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