halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
