ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
