I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
