Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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