I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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