The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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