Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
