how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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