I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
