ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
