If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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