I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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