we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
