He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize