saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
