dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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