I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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