i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize