Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
