I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
