Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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