If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just had sex bonerless
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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