You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize