I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
