And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
