so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
