Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
