she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
