no, he came in my armpit
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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