i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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