Nicole vs. Life
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How's work?
Spinning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
