If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is Oprah even human
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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