are you still at the devil's house?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
