I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
