so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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