Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize