thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize