Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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