Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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