i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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