I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
