Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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