I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
