Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
