Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
