just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i drank out of a bidet.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
