i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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