Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize