This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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