i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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