I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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