i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
