We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
