We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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