I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
