i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
