Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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