I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
