He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
