I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
