This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm just crazy horny about you
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
