i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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