Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize