And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
