Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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