need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
