if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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