Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They have beer where we have blood.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
