I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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