I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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