You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
