u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
