I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize