I didn't shave. On purpose
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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