i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
