my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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