how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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