okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
