In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
