Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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