and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
