If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
