I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
