is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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