I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
