Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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