It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
