I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
